PAIN. DISCOMFORT. INSULT.
PLEASURE. COMFORT. REWARD
From the time you were conceived the universal law of balance is constant & in perfect order. The sooner you come to understanding this, the sooner you can live in harmony with the universe.
I died at 30. Only for me to quickly realize that death would usher in a new life.
This kind of humble understanding came at a perfect time in my life.
I used to think it came too late. It had to take a full blown decade of waste for me. Waste meaning I refused to accept that my victim was winning & beating all the other facets of my being to a pulp. It was always someone else’s fault. Never mine. That was ofcourse complete utter bullshit.
Let’s take it back 10 years ago.
In a packed room of artists, 3 creatives gave me the most constructive feedback.
“You need more life!”
My immediate reaction was vile. Internally I was spewing hate.
“Who the fuck are you to say that? What’s wrong with performing? That’s my passion! I put in 100 plus percent in everything that I do! Fuck all of you! And more life? Who says that? What is that? Can you be more specific? I’m here to learn not get insulted by people I don’t even know!”
Did I understand what that meant right then? NO. But that fateful day, the universe succesfully penetrated & rescued me from sure death. It was enough for the central soul to take control.
The events that happened in the next year were painful & traumatic. Something was dying & something was about to be born. All of a sudden I had no control & that was when I finally knew what it meant to completely surrender. What it meant to free fall. The only person I held onto was the inner child that I lost touch of. She held my hand and reminded me that we had everything we needed.
The days leading to that death were incredibly painful. But I had to shatter my heart to let the light seep through. I had to fall into the unknown to see the bigger picture.
The pain was not because of anyone else’s fault but my own. The only person I was scared to say goodbye to was that 18 year old who had stars for her eyes. She had to go and be at peace within. She was weary & tired. She had to go back into the safety of the soul where she could whisper words of love & wisdom.
As I start remembering who I am up to this very day, I am armed with an understanding of the dark that I pray every single one of us will never run away from.
"As I write and as you are reading this, we are alive & dying at the same time. It really is that simple."
People shy away from darkness because it is heavy, toxic and unbearable. But is it?
People thrive in the light because it is magical, beautiful and happy, But is it?
Most of the time, I don’t really know if I make sense. But today, I am driven to speak. In hopes that someone out there may see.
As I write and as you are reading this, we are alive & dying at the same time. It really is that simple.
Black & White. Yin & Yang. Birth & Death.
Life + Death = ?
I am trying to remember.
In the meantime, Do what you have to do to remember. All I can wish for is that you keep in touch with what is central.
Have a happy & extremely painful journey in your mastery of unanswered answers.
Do not sleep through.